


Fill

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 17:55:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19796032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: Barbara is home and alone with her thoughts





	Fill

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended

I close the front door, leaning my back against it and close my eyes. Outside the Bristol pulled away; I remain frozen in place until I can no longer hear the throaty growl of its V8 engine. Letting out a deep breath, I slip out of my coat, then drop it and my bag to the floor as I cross the hallway to my bedroom.

I don’t bother to turn on the light as I strip to my underwear and then flop down onto the bed, staring unseeingly at the ceiling.

When I am with Tommy, I have purpose. That might sound strange coming from someone who has made their way up the career ladder to the rank of detective sergeant, but it’s true. He doesn’t treat me as his subordinate, a gofer, or personal assistant; I am his partner, his sounding board, his colleague. 

Most people who have been partnered with me believed I had an attitude problem, and they were probably right, but I used my attitude as a shield. I was exhausted, desperate and incredibly lonely, but I didn’t want anyone to know, to see that I wasn’t coping, and so I kept them at arm's length with a sharp tongue and a sullen demeanour.

Being partnered with Tommy has been the making of me.

It took time, and a lot of persistence on his part, but Tommy got under my skin. He showed me compassion, patience, and understanding. He offered me the gift of friendship, and I surprised everyone, including myself, by accepting it.

I should have known better because, for all the positives Tommy brought into my life, he also brought a major negative. He made me care.

When we are away on a case we fall into a routine. We spend virtually every moment together; interviewing suspects, eating breakfast, lunch and dinner together, discussing the case in the car, even bouncing ideas off each other in the early hours of the morning. We rely on each other to the exclusion of all others.

I don’t know when our friendship turned to love. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment we looked at each other and realised that what we felt for each other was something more, but it happened, and it is mutual. We have never discussed it, but we both know it is there. We also know that neither of us will act on that feeling, will never take that final step and cross the line between friends and lovers, which is why I all but pushed him into Helen’s arms. He needs someone, and I know that someone isn’t me.

I curl onto my side, hugging my pillow to my chest. It’s getting harder, leaving Tommy at the end of the day, because when he isn’t around I can’t hide from the emptiness of my life, and the ache deep inside that the emptiness causes.

The emptiness that I know I can never allow him to fill, and the ache I can never allow him to soothe.


End file.
